my best friend is back in town. there's a bad taste in my mouth. her eyes fell low and heavy with shame and cum.
she must have been desperate; she acted so lonely. she is deserving of affection, i am glad that she found love.
what love lays bare in me is energy, so i give up that which keeps me going and i still end up lonely.
sick with loss and shame so i edit for mistakes to determine what i'd done that made her act this way.
she'll forget her actions. someday i'll forget her actions. ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes, we will all die someday.
i am full of light. i am filled with joy. i am full of peace. i had this dream that i forgave my enemies.
Track Name: II
i tremble with no desire, i need nothing. in loss i discovered completion. in having things stolen i found that i had more than ever.
in the absence of everything, i found all things. and i understood myself, so i understood nothing, so i stopped questioning.
all things pass through me, i'm a tough boy, wild and innocent and dangerous as hell.
i'm awake and awakening. i am here and i have died.
i killed the parts of me that said that i know. i killed off all the parts that keep me awake.
i'll die a thousand times to prove that i'm living. i'll kiss myself to prove that i'm not afraid of snakes.
nothing shakes me any more; i'm tough now, baby. really, i have lost all feeling, and i've lost all desire for feeling, and i can't thank you enough.
Track Name: III
something casual, so sure. something i have never known before. i don't want to go. (what was i saying the first time around-
what was i thinking? what was i saying-) there is a sick grace inherent in healing, it's like peeling off my skin.
it's like feeling everything for the first time, like it's finally sinking in. (what was i saying the first time around?)
upstairs through the dark and stars and out the other side. sat a foot apart until the sun would rise.
something so sudden and so good, i never expected that we could. my god, i don't want to know.
(what was i feeling the first time around? what was i trying to do, what was i trying to prove?)
there is a sick grace inherent in healing, i had finally choked that down.
(what was i trying to get you to approve the first time around? what was i doing the first time around?)
first i was softer, then i was stronger, now i am frightened, would you look at me now?
how long will i have you? who am i to speak of permanence? i'll be fifty in the book of names but goddamn it, i'll be the last on the list. someday i'll stop begging you of who and how. first i was stronger, then i was softer, now i am frightened, look at me now.
somehow we managed to make it this far- seems now everything has changed. i don't want to know.
(what was i saying the first time around? what was i thinking? what was i doing the first time around?)
it's never what i am, it's only what they were. i don't want to know.
Track Name: IV
i've been talking shit about your friend. i've been lying to get attention. thankfully none of it ever happened - nothing ever really happens.
i have a habit of telling extravagant lies; ask anyone, they'll tell you. so why didn't i come forward, why didn't i?
ha ha ha, i deserve to be hurt like that. ha ha ha, it's so funny isn't it.
oh, why didn't i come forward? it's not your fault that i didn't feel safe.
i'm a real piece of shit, i'm a real lost cause. dare to act like you're surviving and get thrown to the dogs.
every dog deserves forgiveness, no matter who he bit. i'm a real lost cause. i'm a real piece of shit.
there's no room in this world for people who hate men. i can't warn the next one cause i can't get out of bed.
i've been lying to get attention, i've been lying and lying. i think i'll just stay home forever this time.
we're not standing in the back, we're safest near the exit because god knows you'd burn a witch to warm your hands.
support your brothers, disregard survivors, close your heart forever, what else can you do?
there's no room in this world for people who hate men. fuck you.